dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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