I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
