She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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