garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
