i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
