Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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