Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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