You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
