I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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