I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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