S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
