one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
false alarm, still single
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
