You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
