That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
