he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
