Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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