Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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