saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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