Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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