He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
