you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
