I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
