Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
