you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
