I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
