You can't special order awesome
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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