Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You need a sexual gate keeper
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
