You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
