This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
