she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
