So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
