I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
