You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
