Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize