Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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