You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
