got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
