shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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