got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
