The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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