If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
