The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
