Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
