Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
