It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
