she kept yelling 'call me bella'
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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