All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
