That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
