soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
