ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize