there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
