Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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