I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
