it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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