its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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