I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
