i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
