i think my tv is drunk
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
