he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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