That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
