i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
