If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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