I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
