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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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