Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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