Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize