I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
