Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
