I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you still have your period?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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