I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Randomize
