I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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