did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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