So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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