Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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