Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
