I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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