I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
