uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
