I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
