all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
