About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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