I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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