your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
