it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
