THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
