If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
