i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
