I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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