Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
