i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
