If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
