Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
