this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
