The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
