Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What a fucking waste of an outfit
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
